She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize