Having a random hookup so left but love u
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
