see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
