just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
