You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
