this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
