Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
