and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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