I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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