I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
