All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I love you. Go after that dick
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
