I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she peed on how many people?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
