Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
