peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize