This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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