yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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