Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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