She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
