FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
