She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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