Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
