Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
