my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
