allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
