I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
