It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
