So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize