her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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