what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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