I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
MIDGETS
????
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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