I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
