..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
