I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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