i'm signing you up for texting rehab
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
