she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
