watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize