OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
