Already got asked if we're dating
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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