i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
