It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
