when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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