I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
