great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
