her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
