May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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