Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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