I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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