That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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