Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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