he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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