what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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