she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
