Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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