Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
