turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
