You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
