I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
