woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
home. puking in laundry basket.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
