lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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