Don't make out with my wife yet
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
