i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
