I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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