It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
