I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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